freedom.

*i am not done with this post - i am posting it for natalie. i wrote it a couple days ago but havent worked on it again because 1. i am sick and 2. i am all pharmacology until thursday.

I would like to be someone who walks in freedom from other people's opinions. In the process I'm trying to figure who I am vs. who I try to be vs. who I want to be.
So. I'm starting of list of things that I am/want to be and I believe I will add to it from time to time. Things that sometimes I feel self-conscious about but don't want to!!!

1. I want to have kids early - as in young. (whew....)
- I like the names Nicholas and Abigail and will probably name my children that so I just wanted to put it out there early. Nicholas means "Victory of the People." - Isaiah 61:4 And Abigail is a biblical woman giant - 1 Samuel 25.

2. I am a wife. I am content being a wife. And I would be content "only" being a "wife" for the rest of my life.
- The greatest compliment I have ever received ever came from Matt (and still does from time to time). He told me that he looks forward to coming home, that he loves our home, he feels peaceful in our home and that he thinks I am an incredible wife. If nothing else is ever said about me - this is the one thing I want to be known for. And it only matters that Matt knows me for it. - Proverbs 31:12, 28

3. I love being outside. I was MADE for summer and I find great peace in sitting outside, running outside, walking outside, living outside. I absolutely love being outside. Being outside relaxes me.

4. I am going to be a great nurse. I find great joy in helping people in practical ways. I'm looking forward to being there when people hear hard news (I've already experienced this in deaths of residents) and pray for them, audibly when asked to intervene but also silently. But also celebrate with people as they experience health victories. And also just to hold their hand and give them company and clean them/do things that not everyone can handle doing. I feel like God has made it easy for me and I'm SO grateful to have that gift.

5. Mother Teresa is my absolute, hands down, no one trumps her - hero. She IS how I want to love people.

6. I want to live in another country in my lifetime - but not for "experience." I am not the least bit interested in "experience" and "seeing things before I die." While I realize this is a valid desire, passion for some people - for me it absolutely isn't. I only want to experience relationship. I am committed to loving people I know well. I may not always be good at it - but thats my aim. For the long-haul. I don't want to pursue things which fade - I want eternal results. Always. In every interaction.