What A Day

"What a day to be alive
What a day to realize I'm not dead
What a day to save a dime
What a day to die trying"

I like Greg Laswell. It's very high school Mandy music. The other side of me. I'm torn between Barlow Girl and piano/guitar filled poetic raspy voice male artists. It's a good place to be.

I made a 68 on that test. I was pretty thankful. The class average was a 68 - with the majority of us falling in the 65-75 range. I told you it was the fatest test ever. I'm thankful for my grade. I've never been thankful to fail a test before, but then again, I've never taken Pharm 338.

I'm trying to be responsible and study ahead. Chemistry is really boring though. Organic Chem and my teacher is just, sigh. He seems like a very nice person. I feel like I might want him to be my cousin's husband or something. sad. But, we shall prevail.

I'm excited that America has a black president. Granted, there are things that I am not excited about - but a lot of things I do have hope for. What a buzz word.

I'm speaking at HSL tonight. I'm speaking on generousity. Annnnd I think I'm going to speak about Mother Teresa. is that cheating? I mean, I'm going to talk about Jesus - but use Mother Teresa as an example. I seriously... just.. love that woman.

Something about learning about Mother Teresa makes me feel more alive than at any other time. She is so dedicated to love and respect and preserving the dignity of the poor and dying. I crave those things in my spirit. I miss working at the nursing home when I feel those pangs. I have some memories of my own regarding those sick or dying. Mother Teresa preaches often on the poor in our world not neccessarily being the ones who lack material wealth - but rather the lonely and the desolate. The people close enough for us to touch, and yet we are afraid to. One of my rooms at the last place I worked had two bed ridden patients in it (one of them died during my employment there). Beyond being bed ridden they suffered from severe dementia and the woman on the left I'm almost positive had suffered a stroke. Her room was lined with pictures from her youth and late life, prior to the stroke. In every picture she looked vibrant and full of life. She was a lady who wore lots of red lipstick and stuck her tongue out at the photographer while keeping the smile in her eyes. When I met her she was thin and frail. She was without the red lipstick and her hair was usually covered with sweat from anxiety that often came over her throughout the day. One time I got to spend extended time with her, feeding her. She seemed somewhat cognitive and we had a simple conversation. She repeated everything she said multiple times... but I felt like inside of her she was still alive and vibrant despite the fact that her body refused to cooperate with her. I feel a call on my life to love the people whose spirits are alive and vibrant but their bodies are failing. She really was a beautiful woman.

The Sisters of Calcutta also have orphanages. Oh, orphanages. I miss working with Casa Hogar Elim during high school. I had two little friends there who remembered me year to year. I wonder often what happended to them. Elton was 10 when I first met him - now he is 17 or 18. He is a young man. I would have adopted him if I could. I think I would have adopted all of them - but I'm sure my parents would have frowned on the 150 orphans I brought back from Mexico with me. I love adoption. I feel like I would be satisfied adopting all my children. Matt said he'd like to have a biological one, or two, as well. And so I submit to the desires of my husband.

Class schedule set for the fall. I am not taking an 8am class for the first time in 3 semesters. I thnk it is a good move. I also have an afternoon/early evening class - once a week. I've never done that before so we'll see how it goes. The history dept. told me its a small class.

I'm anxious for Thanksgiving - but can't believe that it already is November again. Weren't we just skiing? Yes, I think so. But this year we're going to San Antonio AND Ft. Worth and its going to be a good time. Halo w/the Whiteners... can't go wrong.

Not much to say... just wanted to check in and say, "hello! i'm alive!" Deep in school. Friday night is stats night -when Matt helps me understand what the heck we are learning about in that class.

"What a way to say goodbye
What a wonderful life now all a lie
What a way that you survive
What a way to say goodbye
Bring on the evening hours I cry
Bring on the evidence
Of my life"

i am taking the fatest test ever tomorrow at 2:00p.

i will be grateful to have it over and done with. and my nutrition project is due friday and almost wholly done. and meagan is going to work until 3 on friday.

that means that from 11:30a-2:45p on friday - i will have much needed FrEE tiMe!

FREE TIME! Complete freedom. And what will I do you ask?

1. put together pirate costumes por mateo y yo. (por? para? i dont know!)

2. CLEAN! glorious cleaning. everything will be clean.
i will vacuum and dust and wipe off counters and fold laundry and organize.

God bless Meagan and her working until 3pm.

I feel much hope about this test. It sort of goes back and forth - between "do i know it well enough?" and "he can't ask THAT specific of questions."

I really dont have anything else to write because all i'm thinking about is pharmacology.

DAYLIGHT SAVINGS TIME IS SATURDAY! an extra hour to sleep - we're sleeping in in angleton.... someone else (meegie's mom) - whom i love, love, love! -- is going to cook for us...

its like a dream come true. walking through a week of fire to wonderful bliss awaiting on the other side.

:)

freedom.

*i am not done with this post - i am posting it for natalie. i wrote it a couple days ago but havent worked on it again because 1. i am sick and 2. i am all pharmacology until thursday.

I would like to be someone who walks in freedom from other people's opinions. In the process I'm trying to figure who I am vs. who I try to be vs. who I want to be.
So. I'm starting of list of things that I am/want to be and I believe I will add to it from time to time. Things that sometimes I feel self-conscious about but don't want to!!!

1. I want to have kids early - as in young. (whew....)
- I like the names Nicholas and Abigail and will probably name my children that so I just wanted to put it out there early. Nicholas means "Victory of the People." - Isaiah 61:4 And Abigail is a biblical woman giant - 1 Samuel 25.

2. I am a wife. I am content being a wife. And I would be content "only" being a "wife" for the rest of my life.
- The greatest compliment I have ever received ever came from Matt (and still does from time to time). He told me that he looks forward to coming home, that he loves our home, he feels peaceful in our home and that he thinks I am an incredible wife. If nothing else is ever said about me - this is the one thing I want to be known for. And it only matters that Matt knows me for it. - Proverbs 31:12, 28

3. I love being outside. I was MADE for summer and I find great peace in sitting outside, running outside, walking outside, living outside. I absolutely love being outside. Being outside relaxes me.

4. I am going to be a great nurse. I find great joy in helping people in practical ways. I'm looking forward to being there when people hear hard news (I've already experienced this in deaths of residents) and pray for them, audibly when asked to intervene but also silently. But also celebrate with people as they experience health victories. And also just to hold their hand and give them company and clean them/do things that not everyone can handle doing. I feel like God has made it easy for me and I'm SO grateful to have that gift.

5. Mother Teresa is my absolute, hands down, no one trumps her - hero. She IS how I want to love people.

6. I want to live in another country in my lifetime - but not for "experience." I am not the least bit interested in "experience" and "seeing things before I die." While I realize this is a valid desire, passion for some people - for me it absolutely isn't. I only want to experience relationship. I am committed to loving people I know well. I may not always be good at it - but thats my aim. For the long-haul. I don't want to pursue things which fade - I want eternal results. Always. In every interaction.

you got to know that i love you...

this song really encouraged me at 7am this morning while eating my oatmeal. because, all I'm ever thinking about is Hope. So it was nice to think about this in light of Hope. God is faithful and *good.* I know this. I really do.

More Wonderful - Aaron Shust

God of unending grace, I come to You on my face
I need to hear You speak to me, won't You make me new right now
God of omnipotent power, visit us in this hour
And may we leave here changed because we1ve met with You, God

You've been more wonderful to me than I could have ever imagined
You've shown more love than I could show in a thousand years
And although it seems at times like it all means nothing to me
You gotta know that I love You
You gotta know that I need You

God of wisdom and love, settle down from above
Give us all a taste of what Your Holy Spirit can do
Time and time again we've betrayed, but our debt's already been paid
And all that leaves me wanting is to live for you, God

When the world crashes down around me
I know You'll be there to pull me out from the rubble
When my enemy surrounds and I call on your name
You1ll be there to deliver me from my troubled soul

Rescue me from all my selfish ways
and thoughts and deeds and plans
Lead me in the everlasting way
and I will follow you there

ache.

I feel really terrible. And all of my friends are at Hope Chapel in a meeting right now or they live in Egypt (Ok. Not ALL of my friends fall into those two categories but at least all of the ones that I would feel comfortable becoming completely undone in front of).

I feel completely undone.

I feel so much pain about the division in Hope Chapel right now - its suffocating.

At this moment in time its just pain. I don't feel bitterness and I'm praying SO HARD against building up offense and feeling judgment. Less at Geno - and more at other people. In fact, I don't really feel any sort of anger/offense at Geno despite the fact that I think what he did wasn't a great idea. I'm willing to offer forgiveness to him for his poor judgement, though am wrestling with the deeper issues on the inside.

Instead, I feel judgement against people who I FEEL like are making judgements about Hope Chapel. Their responses... their non-responses. And herein lies the deepest part of my pain.

I'm pretty much in love with Hope Chapel. One might call me... faithful to things I love. And at that meeting I was overcome with how much people are hurt. With how much Geno is hurt (he looks absolutely terrible). And how some people really are truly going to leave the church.

I was driving home thinking about how happy Satan must be right now. And I'm desperate for Hope Chapel to rely on the strength of our good, good, good God and be reconciled. Although, I agree in a large part with Mirabelle's dad (I never know parent's names.. only their children.. because those are the ones I see!) that it IS important to know about the hard, tough issues within our pastors and I do think it is reasonable to hold them to a certain amount of... something.

It's unclear what is going on in the inner workings of my heart.
But I just felt overwhelmingly upset (enter crying) that I think of Hope Chapel as my family and I am dead set on not letting Satan destroy it with his lies, decisiveness and deceit (I feel as though one family is enough to see go down under those things in a lifetime).

Truly. I want to scream from the rooftops or sob at the top of my lungs - I'm not sure which emotion will win over. I just really want judgment to fall away. Fully on my part. Fully on the church's part. Fully on individuals' part.

----->AND I WISH CHRISTINE WERE HERE!!!!!!!!!!!!!<----- Oh Hope. Healing to you. Healing. I speak life and truth and healing and forgiveness and love. Lord, let love fall down.

"Do not gloat over me my enemy! Though I have fallen, I will rise. Though I sit in darkness, the Lord will be my light." - Micah 7:8

The Lord will be our light
The Lord will be our light
The Lord will be our light

Oh Hope, Hope, Hope...

math is a tool.

A couple nights ago we were talking with Los Vorce about abortion in response to this:
http://www.statesman.com/search/content/news/stories/local/10/19/1019obamagelicals.html

Matt realized he didn't know exactly how everything measured up, so he decided to do some quick online research and create a table comparing abortion to other social issues.

The following is the result of that.

Matt blamed the following things solely on America (if given in a time period over many years, he divided by the number of years to get a "yearly" total):

Deaths in Darfur since 2003 ---- 500,000 (yearly: 100,000)
World Wide Death Penalty ---- 3900 (he rounded to 4000)
2003-2008 Iraqi civilian deaths ----- 96,466 (yearly: 19293)
US soldiers death total in Iraq ---- 4185 (yearly: 837)
2000-2006 death because of lack of insurance ---- 137,000 (yearly: 22833)
US Murder 2007 --- 16929
TOTAL of combined social issues: 168, 392

Abortions per year in US only ---- 1, 073, 000

So the following charts compare the number of deaths due to social issues blamed on America with the number of abortions (if you consider abortion to be the killing of human life, then number of deaths of babies in America due to abortion) in just ONE year:



In the first graph the first column is the total of social issues. The second number of abortions.
In the second image blue represents the social issues. Magenta represents abortions.

So.......
I dont have anything to say.

Except that I found in The Week a couple of weeks ago that 90% of pregnancies in which Downs Syndrome is diagnosed in the womb end in abortion.

The tests I found that are used to diagnose Downs are the Chorionic villus sampling (CVS) which can be done after 10 weeks and Amniocentesis which can be performed between weeks 15-22. I would imagine then that a baby must be at least 10 weeks at the time of these abortions. This is ten weeks development:


You can find that on my bathroom mirror - on a post it which reads, "Come Lord Jesus."

So, despite Obama or McCain, again I declare: "Come Lord Jesus..."

------------------------------------------------------------------


Below are his sources for the numbers. I think on Abortion he took the average of two different figures he found.

Darfur 2003 - current http://warvictims.wordpress.com/2008/04/24/sudan-darfur-deaths-could-be-300000/

world wide death penalty 2006 http://www.infoplease.com/ipa/A0777460.html

2003 - 2008 Iraqi civilian deaths http://www.iraqbodycount.org/

US SOLIDIERS TOTAL IRAQ http://www.antiwar.com/casualties/

2000 - 2006 death by lack of insurance http://www.pnhp.org/news/2008/january/make_that_22000_uni.php

US murder in 2007 http://www.disastercenter.com/crime/uscrime.htm

(CDC + AGI)/2 Abortions per year in US ONLY

Abortions per year world wide http://www.abortionno.org/Resources/fastfacts.html

Celebration.

Today is a new day, with new hope. Thank goodness.

There have been better days than yesterday, but there have been much much worse days. So I think mostly I'm just grateful its today now.

Niko is back. Matt and I washed him last night. We got to use the HOSE outside!!! Washing a dog outside is infinitely better than washing a dog inside. It was good fun. And now Niko smells clean and lovely and I'll agree to hug him again. ;)

I passed on Natalie's magazines, 5 of them at once, on and on in the cycle of recycled magazines. It's a good system I think. Perhaps not for the economy but it is for the environment. And as someone I love once said, "This country could USE a little recession!!!" Ha..

I started reading the Simplicity chapter of Celebration of Discipline last night. Granted - I rarely have time to read, but I thought it might be good to break up the schoolwork before insanity hit in. I like a lot of what I've read so far. Especially that the author (who is the author... i know this.. richard something .. foster!) makes the point early on to say that despite popular opinion Christ and the bible IS quite clear on "economics." Which I enjoyed reading his references for. A lot from proverbs, but also from the life of Christ and others. If ONLY I could learn simplicity. He also talked about the assault from the world, especially this country, that wealth proves who you are. Unless you own this, or wear this, or look like this you are made to not fit in. One thing he said is that we are encouraged not to wear or drive things until the point at which they literally wear out. I don't know. I think its a great temptation for me to think that I am not as affected as I truly am by the mindset of consumerism and I would do well to try to break it. Matt and I want to live as though our money belongs to Christ as well. All of it. Proverbs, which I'm reading a chapter a night, speaks so much about generosity and how God is faithful to those who are faithful to give. Mother Teresa wrote something once about "the more you have the less you are able to give." So I get to thinking about what I don't necessarily need and what I can give. But it's a harder thought to deal with than I originally thought.

Anyways, Matt and I did decide to cut back our budget. Which I'm excited about. It's hard though because there are lots of birthdays and the what not. But I told him I would try to reign grocery store spending. The amount and magnitude of HEB in our checkbook is so silly.

So, there it is.

The David Crowder Band pandora station is the BEST STATION EVER! They play hymns.. mmm...

O great light of the world

Currently Listening to: Great Light of the World -- Bebo Norman

(I <3 pandora)

It was a year ago that Matt and I found the condo for sale, that my friends and I were training for 13.1 and that I still went to Texas State.
Life, life, life.


Last night Matt and I were reading in bed and we were discussing David and his psalms. O, David and your psalms.

I want to be faithful in prayer to Matt and my family. So, in an effort to watch God display his faithfulness to me here are some of my past prayers and or bits of wisdom I have picked up about loving my husband:

"I am the wife of a man with a strong foundation. Thank You for Your faithfulness to me in that. Father - make us holy. Teach us to serve and love with even greater power through your Spirit. We will go Lord. Send us, send us. Teach us Your will. Lord, make our family a light. I pray for our children - may they be devoted to you. " - journal, March 15, 2008

"God's plan spans lifetimes and generations. God's story is one of redeeming generations." - Jason Oban, "it is finished" Good Friday Hope service

"I married you -- not our goals, not our hopes and dreams - you. You is what I want." - Katie Fox, "into your hands I commit my spirit", Good Friday Hope service

"Most of the pain we experience in this life is caused by the loss of illusions." - Katie Fox - speaking volumes to me about struggling with disappointments in marriage.

"Lord, please help [Matt] get enough rest and somehow experience peace. Help me to serve him Lord. I need to understand service as a wife in greater ways.... Father I love Matt. Thank you so much for him. His love for me teaches me so much. Keep us ever faithful Lord. In word, thought and deed. I greatly desire for Your kingdom to be advanced because of our marriage..." - journal, April 13, 2008

"At times I am overwhelmingly more aware of my own depravities....[Bill Vanderbilt] spoke on the holy spirit and about Hope Chapel being the deepest well in Austin. I feel my spirit stir with these words. I desire to search and know the heart of God and yet I am so aware of my character short comings. Christ, teach me love....Lord, I invite the following with knowledge/awareness of your faithfulness: refine my character. By whatever means. Especially through Christine. Lord, help me to feed on the good things. Thank you for Matt. Lord, continue to reveal ways in which I dishonor him and help me to sacrificially love." - journal, May 1, 2008

" My Mateo. Gently encourage him Lord - to continue to pursue great eternal things. Thank you for his love - thank you for his gentleness and willingness to work hard and be faithful. Please help me to love him with patience and affection. He is a warrior." - journal, "May, 20, 2008

"Help my heart to be thankful. Thank you for Matt. I know. I know that he loves me. He is good and he has a gentle, loving and kind heart. I just don't want to get it after he has spent his energy on everyone else. I desire him. "For love is as strong as Death, its jealousy unyielding as the grave. It burns like blazing fire, like a mighty flame." I feel that. Teach us to protect our marriage. Teach us Abba - we are willing." journal, May 24, 2008

"Your faithfulness to Your word is outstanding (Psalm 37:4)." journal, June 3, 2008

and more and more and more.

I just felt like I should declare the testimony of God's goodness and His faithfulness to answering so many of those prayers. Without a doubt, I have felt a shift in Matt and my relationship. Our arguments play out differently. My heart is indeed more inclined to serve Matt than it was in our first year of marriage (granted, not always...) .

And also, I was thinking about how much God has protected and preserved our marriage despite Matt and my involvement in other activities.

Marriage is such a daily sacrifice. Dan Farrely said its common for people to think about all the good things you get from being married. You get to share a life, companionship, etc etc. But he said its a wake up call for a lot of people when you find out that marriage is rather about how much you can give. I think I truly believe that marriage is a great act of dying to yourself. I'm sure once I have children I will say that is another great act. But even in marriage it seems different than with a child. Because a child can't really help your needing to die to yourself. They can't do things for themselves - but husbands and wives can do things for themselves and yet, still one needs to submit and serve unto the other.

Its very interesting and I am enjoying greatly this journey of learning about it.
So, why not blog about it because I'm sure over time my opinions and thoughts will shift some more.

changing thoughts.

Currently Listenning to:
Come and Listen - David Crowder Band
The sound of a train on Mopac

Currently seeing:
Sunlight pour in through our sliding glass doors and the first workings of my next stats test sprawled across our table

Currently smelling:
sweet, sweet outside (windows=open).

Currently needing to:
Take a shower before class at 2.

Currently feeling:
Content


So, I prayed for God to teach me about abortion. Because, honestly, I haven't thought much about abortion. I mean, I think about it in that I wouldn't have an abortion and I would love to meet girls thinking about abortion and talk to them and let them know how big God's heart is for them and their child. But, being political season abortion is a hot topic. And since I'm almost always around Mark Proeger, I hear a lot about abortion.

Matt and I had a "heated discussion" about abortion on the way home from the HSL Fall Retreat. Matt is a ridiculously patient man. He explained the abortion debate for the first time to me in a way where it made sense. He explained all about the Supreme Court and the next president probably appointing the next judge (the oldest Supreme Court member is 88 years old...). If a president were pro-life, he would more than likely appoint a person who is also pro-life. Right now the supreme court is spilt, but with another pro-lifer - the country may get shaken up a bit.

My problem with talking about politics is that I'm surrounded by people who are highly, highly opinionated. And so, it's scary. It's hard for me to form arguments very fast or very quickly. Take for instance, Mark. No matter what I "debate" Mark on - I can't ever think of what I'm trying to say fast enough. Not just about abortion but about anything - in life. And the problem with that is that I still speak anyways. So then, I have half-thought about pathetic arguments that aren't well thought out or well researched. Plus, I just don't operate like that. In my opinion, I don't think debating is a very good way to change peoples minds - I would rather see action producing a response you hope for - and then I see the magnitude of what is going on. But that isn't the way lots of things work. For instance, Obama and McCain have mostly just been debating and airing nastly ads against each other.

All of this was stemmed from Natalie and Matt B. going to the abortion clinics and my desire to go with them. I think I need more compassion about abortion. The time I felt the strongest was not too long ago at a Lanier High football game.

There are lots of pregnant girls at Matt's school. There are lots of pregnant girls for a variety of reasons... family pressure, relationship pressure, lack of knowledge about the act of sex. Whatever reason. There are also lots of girls there who have had abortions. This thought hit me hard at a game recently. One of Matt's students last year has a baby. She brings him to football games and I think he is the cutest child I have ever seen. We get along. She lets me play with him and so I spend time with this adorable child. She has a best friend, who I also know. After the first girl walked away from us at the game, I asked Matt where her friend was. He said he didn't know but he did hear she was pregnant. Then he said, I hope she keeps her baby. Which was sort of surprising to me, since I thought that most people at Lanier probably just had their baby because there is acceptance of mothers (hence a baby and his mom at a football game...). But he said that the first girl and the second were pregnant at the same time, only the first girl kept her baby and the second did not. For maybe one of the first times my heart broke about abortion. It's because people can quote statistics to me all day long about 1.3 billion people, or whatever it is, that have abortions - but my mind can't comprehend that number! I can only think of individual cases and how they effect things. So then, I thought of that adorable child who I absolutely love and thought about the absence of another little person who I didn't have the opportunity to absolutely love. Not that their decision should be based on whether or not I get to play with their baby - that isn't the point. The point is in one case there was life, and in another there was an absence of life and for the first time in practical terms I felt the absence of life.

It was an overwhelming feeling - and I can' t stop thinking about it. I want to open an adoption center with endless funds to pay for people to have their children and let other parents adopt them. I searched online recently and found thousands of parents awaiting adoptive children. It's just such a weird situation that requires much thought and prayer. A topic that I never felt strongly about before the last couple months.

That may sound horrible - but there are lots of other things I feel passionate about... and I was never for abortion - I was just never for putting abortion above all other topics....

I dont know.
I'm working on all of it... and I'm just sorting it out through blogging. Que silly.
I'm going to shower.

untitled

i have three tests this week. therefore, I don't have much time to write anything. So here is a quick recap:

1. i was reading an old journal from Redding and B.J. made reference to the idea that God inhabits the praise of His people - I felt like the Lord had something to teach me in this and I am trying to live it in greater ways. Last week at my CHOP hour I tired to just worship and praise God for who He is and what He is doing on campus/with people I know. Mostly because I greatly desired to just sit in the God's presence despite my hectic week all around me.

I wish I could write more - because there really is more - but I just need to go take a shower, read a bit more and rest. But, just for fun:



Study overload. Physiology Wednesday, Pharmacology Thursday and Chemistry Friday.

Niko understands...

Matt is wonderful and is doing the dishes so I can have a break from life...

annnnnd i really need to find time to make banana muffins.


fin.

Tin Cans and Austin's "Hurricane Ike"

What a Saturday. I was looking forward to rain and thunder and perhaps gusts of up to 50mph, but instead it was sunny all afternoon and terribly humid. Oh, weather.com - how you tease me. I've tried getting a hold of Wes a million times - mostly pre-hurricane to check his status. He lives in Houston - and Houston was just washed away by a hurricane. Silly Wes, answer your phone.

Today, since there weren't 50mph gusts of wind, Matt and I went on the great Tin Can Extravaganza of 2008. Natalie B. wants a watering can to water her garden with. Somewhat knowing Natalie's style, I decide to buy her a tin watering can. Her only requirement was that it had a shower spout (shouldn't every watering can have a shower spout...). So, off Matt and I go around 1:30p. We get semi-lost on the way to Shoal Creek Nursery (2 wrong turns) only to find their only tin watering can was huge and inappropriate for Natalie's needs. Next we go to Lowe's, then Big Lots, then Hobby Lobby (Matt wants to say, "Hobby Lobby is useless"), then Target. All during this time we are text messaging Google phone numbers to places we think would have a tin watering can. We called Home Depot, Michael's, Pier 1, Daisy Hill (we weren't sure what that was but it had the name Daisy in it), Wal-Mart and Jo-Ann's. By this time we were getting grouchy - so we went to Jamba Juice to refuel. It was about 3:00 by now. Next to Jamba Juice was an HEB so we stopped in to check their watering can supply, of course, no luck. Finally, post Jamba Juice I give up completely. I'm miserable because "Hurricane Ike" only made Austin think with humidity and I chose to wear jeans - like una mujer loca. So I say, "That's it! She'll have to find her own watering can because I don't see any cute ones! Let's just go to World Market and get her earrings!" Off to World Market, with a quick stop to Linen's and Things. We enter the store and I head for the earrings and purses. Matt wanders off and when I see him next - he is holding a tin watering can with a shower spout!!!!! But sadly, this also happens to be the ugliest tin watering can with a shower spout I have ever laid eyes upon. They took labels from baby diapers and other assorted print and pasted them onto the can. I could not buy this can for Natale with a clear conscience. So we continue to look around at their interesting display of... crap... and then, we stop. We blink. We hold our breath and inch ever so slowly towards the very object we had set our heart's desire on 3 hours before. There before us sat a small, quaint, painted white, tin watering can with a shower spout.

I nearly cried. I lunged upon the nearest World Market employee, tin can in hand, shaking it at his head, crying out with a voice of thanks to World Market and their vow to uphold customer satisfaction.

Walking out of the store half an hour later Matt said, "We just tangibly experienced God's goodness." Any man who can say that after 3 hours of running around through women dominated stores, moments away from returning home empty handed, must be a man with incredible character.

the black banana

My husband finds out where I am by reading my blog class schedule. I got a phone call at 1:05, followed by a text message which read, "Who needs Physiology?" Oh husband. (te amo.)

So, life as I now know it:
Meagan is working at Mary Jane and Wendell's which means I finally have T/Th mornings free! First things first: breakfast with Hannah the Beautiful. Sometime between now and Friday morning at 10am I need to figure out something about quantum mechanics of atoms... or something? I clearly was not paying attention in Chemistry lecture earlier today.

Sunday night was a good small group meeting. We each went around and shared what we felt are our long term callings, what we're learning right now, who we're accountable to, our weaknesses and strengths. It was good hearing what some people had to say, people who I never get to hear from.

Los Proeger came over for dinner last night. Nothing has been as helpful for Matt and I than to meet with another married couple, a few years down the road who pray for us, ask us tough questions and show us by example how to live and stay committed. It's pretty much the best. AND I made home made beef enchiladas and home made spanish rice and although it was initially scary because I wasn't sure how they would turn out, the result was more than satisfactory. I'm blogging about cooking... how domestic.

so, today, i brought a peanut butter and honey sandwhich for lunch with a banana. which had turned COMPLETELY BLACK in my backpack. disgusting. truly disgusting.

i wish i has something to say, but wendell is watching tv and being in the same room as a tv program fries my brain.

eric and therese are pregnant!!!! its officially on the internet. matt and i will be los tios!

i just saw a commercial from the corn refiners association about how GOOD high fructose corn syrup is... wow. interesting.

oh, by the way

it worked. Meagan is officially a Vorce. They are one flesh:

the book is over

I finished the book, "A Simple Path" (again, please note there is no underline function of which I am aware). The following are quotes from the pages I turned down (in my library! book!):

"Let Jesus use you without consulting you. We let Him take what He wants from us. So take whatever He gives and give whatever He takes with a big smile. Accept the gifts of God and be deeply grateful. If He has given you great wealth, make use of it, try to share it with others, with those who don't have anything. Always share with others because even with a little help you may save them from becoming distressed. And don't take more than you need, that's all. Just accept whatever comes." - Mother Teresa, pg. 45

I had a moment of weakness at HEB earlier. I was seconds away from indulging in an extravagance. Back story: reading this book has really made me question how much of what I put energy and funds into is mere extravagance. Mother Teresa lives like the poor, and Christ speaks endlessly it seems about the deceitfulness of wealth and storing up treasure for yourself in heaven rather than earth. I felt convicted -- really convicted -- and wanted to try to put away my so many extravagant desires. I'm not necessarily going to expand on that here, and know that I strongly believe that one person's lessons and convictions should not be another's. I'm just explaining how I responded to the words and truth from this book. Thankfully, I overcame my weakness. I handed what I wanted, yet did not need, to the cashier and she put it under her register and I walked away empty handed.

"God made the world for the delight of human beings--if only we could see His goodness everywhere, His concern for us, His awareness of our needs: the phone call we've waited for, the ride we are offered, the letter in the mail, just the little things He does for us throughout the day. As we remember and notice His love for us, we just begin to fall in love with Him because He is so busy with us--you just can't resist Him. I believe there is no such thing as luck in life, it's God's love, it's His." - a sister working with Mother Teresa, pg. 80

I feel like you feel the urgency of her message in this passage. Something about her enthusiasm and awe for God... it's tangible here.

This is a prayer in her book, I'm not sure if it is hers or another's that she found:
"Lead me from death to life,
From falsehood to truth.
Lead me from despair to hope,
From fear to truth.
Lead me from hate to love,
From war to peace.
Let peace fill out hearts,
Our world our universe.
Peace peace peace."

I met with Leigh on Tuesday. We chatted over water and sweet potato fries at Kerby Lane. It was very affirming and wonderful to meet with her. I've felt distant, and I never liked it. I used to give her so much authority to speak into my life and offer advice and correction. We quickly regained our lost ground. I want to love people really well.

So, I miss Christine. Still... never ending. Sometimes I feel it more than others. Thursday at the CHOP it came on strong. O, Egypt.

I counted and we have 13 weeks of school left. Goodness. It's hard going to school every day. That sounds silly, but because of school every day it also means I work and go to school on the same day 3 times a week. That's hard for me. I'm not sure why...it just is. I feel drained and exhausted.

I've been more and more interested in eating organically lately. We're learning about it Nutrition and I've been reading some online articles about organic and local growth. I am very interested. We'll see what comes of it.

We'll see what comes of a lot of things...

just for kicks.

There is my life until early December. What fun. I'm so thankful I got into Pharmacology. It was quite the task. I start UT tomorrow at 8am. I'm working for the nursing home for the last consistent time tomorrow, and I will probably get there late because the bus schedule changed (which is why it's the last time).

Meeg and Jo found out they could go to Egypt, hurray! We'll all be riding camels for Christmas.

in response to david taylor's blog

"5) The disciplines are best practiced in a community of friends. What kind? You only need three. You need 3 friends who are doggedly constant in their love for you; the kind who will walk with you everywhere, loving you no matter what and who are not afraid to tell you when you’re full of crap—a crappy attitude, crappy behavior, or crappy art."

I need three...I wonder who they are.

i'll buy that dream

Imagine me with my head on your shoulder, And you with your lips getting bolder, A sky full of moon and a sweet mellow tune, I'll buy that dream...


Imagine me in a gown white and flowery, And you thanking Dad for my dowry, A church full of folks, those last minute jokes, I'll buy that dream...

Matt is eating dinner with the Ryniker fam tonight. Lucky. In fact, los padres, los tios, los hermanos y el richard hampton will all be there. Lucky indeed. And one more person whose identity I'm not sure if I may reveal yet.... one day though.

A honeymoon in Cairo, in a brand new autogyro, Then off to Rio for a drink, We'll settle down in Dallas, In a little plastic palace, Oh it's not as crazy as you think...

Today at the Y with Mary Jane I sat at the end of the lane again. I was continuing to read through Matthew when a lifeguard named Joe came and asked me which book I was in. It was easy to tell he was a christian. He goes to ACC and wants to become a nurse. I asked if he was involved in a college group, which he is, heavily. He went to Turkey with them earlier this summer. I would have invited him to HSL, but lets not divide the body. However, I was completely interested in talking to him. This is monumental. Usually, I shell up into my little, well, shell and don't enjoy speaking with those whom I do not know. However, I branched out. I decided to extend love in the form of genuine interest in his life and ambitions (in a purely platonic, flashing my ring with every gesture of my hand sort of way). I felt this, although small to many, to be a monumental break though. I chose to be, in the tiniest sense perhaps completely undetectable by those around me, outgoing. Interesting.

Imagine me on our first anniversary, With some one like you in the nursery, Oh, it doesn't sound bad, And if it can be had, I'll buy that dream...

This song is on one of Mary Jane's lovely 1950s cds. This may slowly become my new favorite type of secular music...

Imagine me eighty three wearing glasses, And you ninety two making passes, It doesn't sound bad, and if it can be had, I'll buy that dream...

page 99, A Simple Path

"You must give what will cost you something. This, then, is giving not just what you can live without but what you can't live without or don't want to live without, something you really like. Then your gift becomes a sacrifice, which will have value before God. Any sacrifice is useful if it is done out of love." - mother teresa

1 John 3:
16This is how we know what love is: Jesus Christ laid down his life for us. And we ought to lay down our lives for our brothers. 17If anyone has material possessions and sees his brother in need but has no pity on him, how can the love of God be in him? 18Dear children, let us not love with words or tongue but with actions and in truth. 19This then is how we know that we belong to the truth, and how we set our hearts at rest in his presence 20whenever our hearts condemn us. For God is greater than our hearts, and he knows everything.

beautiful.

marvel at my productivity

I have been ridiculously productive lately. I made this colossal to-do list with daunting tasks such as: call debt-collection agency and pay off my unknown about medical debt from 2005, cancel BCBS insurance and enroll in Student Insurance (they have maternity! whoo!), buy school books... etc. All very time consuming, very responsible grown-up things. The types of things I usually get overwhelmed by and can't finish. However, the list is growing steadily closer to completion.

What a weird time when school is ALMOST about to start, but isn't quite starting yet. UT starts on Wednesday. What is a MWF class? I haven't had one since January of 2005. And that, ladies and gents, is the honest truth.

I'm living with Mary Jane until Saturday morning. Always lovely. Maggie moved out this morning and I felt prompted to pray for her before she left. I immediately felt nervous and then when she did leave, it was sooner than I thought and I just forgot. It was, amnesia disobedience to the Holy Spirit. Sometimes I see Will Bibee in moments of intense conviction.. isn't that strange? Well, it probably wouldn't be if you knew Will Bibee.
I took Mary Jane swimming this morning. My stomach was feeling upset so I didn't get in. Instead I read at the end of the lane. Mary Jane swam for an HOUR! A half mile in distance. That's pretty intense for a 81 year old woman I feel. I was really proud of her.

I am reading A Simple Path (there is no underline option) by Mother Teresa. I read something that may have unalterably changed my life:

"Love is not patronizing and charity isn't about pity, it is about love. Charity and love are the same--with charity you give love, so don't just give money but reach out your hand instead. When I was in London, I went to see the homeless people where our sisters have a soup kitchen. One man, who was living in a cardboard box, held my hand and said, 'It's been a long time since I felt the warmth of a human hand.'"

I immediately thought of Matt and his ministry under the bridge. He was telling me about how upwards of 40 people hide in the shadows (the city is beginning to clear out areas of land which used to provide covering), all doing and selling cocaine (what IS this other life Matt leads!?) and he was thinking, "God, if you want me to give out water to these people send someone out!" Within minutes someone he knew (from his repeated times of service to these people) came out and ushered him in and walked him through the crowd of people. I have never felt any desire to go with him to these times, until I read the above. Maybe I'm being extreme. I have desired to see whats it like, but I truly felt convicted and compassion once I read Mother Teresa's testimony.(O compassion, how I have been tirelessly praying for you.)

I love reading about Mother Teresa. At Bethel we were supposed to give a report about one of the great evangelists in this book we were reading, mostly about healing evangelists who had huge followings. I wrote about Mother Teresa instead. She embodies the Christianity I wish I could live out. Sometimes I feel as though working at the nursing home is one teeny tiny step. I try to not become impatient or frustrated, even though at times people can drive you crazy. So many of my patients never have anyone visit them. And then there is loneliness in the staff as well. My co-workers have dramatic lives. Pray for them.

Matthew 6:
19"Do not store up for yourselves treasures on earth, where moth and rust destroy, and where thieves break in and steal. 20But store up for yourselves treasures in heaven, where moth and rust do not destroy, and where thieves do not break in and steal.

End of Summer

It is almost officially over. Next week, on Monday, I start classes again. 12 hours at UT, 4 at ACC. The academic cycle continues. Matt started back to school this past Monday. His first day of classes with kids is next Monday. There was a part of us that was anticipatory, dare I say, excited about this upcoming year. However, these past few days with Matt back at school I suddenly realize how grateful I am that he has a job which gives him back to me 3 days at Thanksgiving, 2 weeks at Christmas, a week in the spring and for 2.5 months during the summer. That is definitely the perk of teaching. The pay and health care benefits? Not so much perks.

It is always about August that I start to feel like, "Hey! Christmas is right around the corner!" Which always makes me think, "How can it be Christmas already?" But, it isn't... it just feels like it. This Christmas Matt and I are spending Dec 25-Jan 3rd in Egypt w/the Wilsons. Who would have ever thought that Brandon Wilson and I would be hanging out in Egypt together!? Life is so weird.

In the meantime, Meagan and Jonny are living with us for some added non stop fun.

I ran today - who knows how far because our car isn't working but it was about 48 minutes. I started at 10:30 which was surprising. It wasn't as hot as it has been last week. In fact, there has been SO MUCH rain here I'm afraid my little flowers that Meagan helped me to plant are going to drown. Too sad, too sad.

I don't know how I feel about this year. Lately I've been asking God to help me be able to rest in his presence and experience peace. I feel as though He's been faithful to that prayer. We've wrestled with a few things lately... timing, holiness, loneliness. But I still feel His faithfulness. Lately the topic of wealth keeps coming up in the scripture that I am reading. There is something there for me as well. (Not as though I struggle w/wealth....) I guess, I'm trying to experience some sort of emotion about this upcoming year or semester and the best I can come up with is that I'm dreading the winter and how it's going to be cold. If it were up to me, it would be 90 all year.

Hopefully, Matt and I can focus more on each other. Last spring, with the weddings and the working, it was intense. We both felt like we weren't seeing each other or getting to spend any quality time together, a rough thing to experience in the first year of marriage. But this year, our schedules look pretty different and we've both agreed to not commit to anything else. I'm only working a few days a week and I have long amount of time on Tues/Thur when I can be home - hopefully playing the role of housewife as well as studying.

I think that is it. I'm going to eat lunch, read a bit and then head off to work at the nursing home. I haven't been there in two weeks! Who knows who my patients are anymore.

Let the weddings begin.

This weekend: Christine's bachelorette. Then the Wilson wedding next Monday. Fast forward to June 7th and it's the Porter wedding, the Whitener anniversary and the twin's birthdays all in one. July is PA to celebrate Libby's union to Aaron and in August the Vorces have their turn. It's a busy summer full of love - and I like it. :)

UT finished for the spring, and I start Calculas on Aug 27th M-Th 9:10a-10:25a. Chemistry starts June 16th M-Th 11:30-1:30. And June 30th we move. I'm getting anxious.

It's raining today. A significant storm. I wanted to go swimming with MJ but they close the indoor pool when it storms. I'll have to wait until this afternoon.

I have to miss graduation on Friday, a bummer for sure. Christine, Brandon, Meagan, Jonny, Allison, Wes too I think - everyone is graduating. I'll be at MJ's. Doing my laundry. :)

Matt and I have been SO BUSY lately. I'm excited for summer when he doesn't have classes anymore. His last day is June 4th, which is also his birthday and 2 days after my own. I bought his present yesterday.

Kim and Dad are probably coming May 31-June 1. Dad is coming back June 29th to help us move. We move on our one year anniversay! It's already been a year. No sweat. :op God really blessed this year. Surviving California proved significantly harder than our first year of marriage.

Last night Matt and I took the bus to Chili's to get a molten for dessert. We couldn't finish it. Too rich... the white chocolate kind. We walked home then got James and walked Niko. Speaking of James, ANTM's finale is tonight! I'm going to miss it and I'm going to miss the rerun! AHHH. This is what watching television does to you.. and its why I normally dont do it. If you must know, I'm cheering for Anya.

Dillards is having a big sale on dresses, fyi. I got two dresses both 75% off original price. Lets see if I can find them.... I could not find them. You'll have to wait unil Christine's rehearsal dinner and the Porter wedding.

Nothing to say. Eric and Therese are going to AFRICA!!! for the summer. They leave soon. I'm excited for them!
Kim starts her MA program this summer. I'm excited for her too.

That is all.

It is now April.

4 months seperate the Illinois farmland and the present. And I'm almost finished with my first semester at UT! At this very moment I am procrastinating studying for a chemistry test. I just don't feel inspired yet... it's coming... I just know it.

The RSVPs for the Wilson wedding are being sent to our address. This provides me with endless happiness b/c every day there are between 7-10 cards addressed to me in our mailbox. Granted most of the people sending off their RSVP haven't the faintest clue about who I am...but I still like to think they are sending them with care. I love getting mail.

All of my friends are about to graduate college, and get married, and get a job, or move to Egypt. What a silly time. Especially since I'm already married and will forever be in college. We move into our condo in 2 months! I'm so excited!

So I'd like to share a testimony that I enjoyed hearing. Bethel church sends Bill Johnson's pentecostal self all over the place to preach at different churches. Some of the students (2nd year) go with him on every trip. Apparently, on a very recent trip. The students prayed at a car accident for a infant who was killed. Apparently, the baby came BACK to life and the woman, who previously didn't believe in God, confessed faith in Jesus and His power. I think that is one of the best stories I have ever heard. I once watched two nuns pray and have someone come back to life. It was at the nursing home in San Antonio (not grandma's, the one I semi-worked at). A lady was 100% pronounced dead, doctors and nurses were leaving the room and one stayed behind to bring the daughter of the woman in. Two nuns stood beside the woman's door and never stopped praying. After maybe 5 or something minutes, the nurse ran out of the room and the daughter was making a lot of noise - medical professionals ran into the room and most all of them came out later with tears in their eyes. The lady had come back to life. A nurse there said she had been a nurse for 30 something years and never seen anything like it. Coming back from the dead stories are probably my favorite kind of miracle stories.

I don't know exactly how to follow that, so I'm not even going to try. I'm running the San Antonio marathon in November! (woo!) Summer classes start at the end of May, and I'm so anxious to get more time with Matt than what my school and his school allows for right now. He is my best friend.

Oh! I went to Sea World con Aileen and I pet a dolphin and had to feed it a dead fish in order for it to take any interest in me. I'm not a fan of dead fish, but I do like dolphins. We also rode roller coasters which was a lot of fun, since I think the last time I rode a roller coaster was w/Aileen at Disneyworld in 2006.

I got rid of the Cabrio. The silly car never worked. So I am officially carless and lovin' it! I heart the Austin bus system. Eventually, I hope to get a Vespa or a Buddy 125. I'd like a green one. Matt vetoed any discussion of getting a pink one. Que triste.

Okay, I'm feeling the inspiration to knock out a couple heat of combustion calculations...
fin.