We had a good run...

Good-bye little appendix! I shall miss thee!

Apparently, I got appendicitis and had to get my little guy removed! I was sentimental about the ordeal... thinking back on all the good times we had had together. But, now it is over and I'm back home "recovering." What I am really doing is lying in bed, trying not to move and waiting to feel some relief from this horrible pain that you get when they put air or something inside of you during surgery. Bumdizzle.

And... alas...Zoe and I have spent our first night apart. That was the hardest part about this whole thing! Thankfully we'll both be sleeping under the same roof tonight.

Abba, I hear you...

Create.

Go.

Appreciate Beauty.God keeps speaking over and over this word to me. Freedom to enjoy the beauty of life. I feel consumed by that thought: the beauty of life.

I'm oh so glad Zoe's name is Zoe.

Art! Literature! Nature! Dance! Music! The condition of the alma.... our fellow man....

This is what God is teaching me lately. praise...praise...

isn't that a cool picture?! it isn't mine...

green with green eyes

Neglected.

My poor little blog.

Last night at the girl version of our small group, we were talking about the blogging world, and I really miss it! I like writing, sharing, opening up myself and getting responses.

My life has been ridiculous with school, trying to survive mass amounts of homework between feeding, changing and putting my little one to sleep. But Ceci (mother, mentor, friend...) said I should spend 20-30 minutes each day on nothing but myself, or else I'll go insane. More than once this semester insanity has set in. Matt usually takes the brunt of it. Pobresito.

Last night, after Z fell asleep and Matt was on a walk with Niko I just sat on my couch and sort of stared at my home. I felt an overwhelming conviction that to be happy I need to be thankful. Not only in order to feel happy, but in general, I feel that the Christian life must, MUST be full of thanks. To remember what Christ has done, to know what He is still working and above all, to reiterate the goodness of the Lord.

Psalm 27:13 - "I am still confident of this:
I will see the goodness of the LORD
in the land of the living."

The theme of this psalm is waiting on the Lord... David feels alone and forgotten and so he begs God not to forgot him but to rescue him when he calls.
But maybe, in my life, in this verse I ought to focus on the "I will see" part.
My own "seeing" of the goodness of the Lord has nothing to do with what I am calling on God to do. To be able to see the goodness of the Lord, I only need to change what I am looking at because surely God's goodness is all around me!!!

I'm not a bible scholar and in the greek or hebrew or whatever that verse probably says something completely different. BUT as Dan Farley once taught there are two ways of reading scripture, one of which is to listen to what the Holy Spirit is teaching you about the character of God in this moment, at this time. And since God's word is living and active - today it is active in this way for me: convincing me to open my eyes and see the goodness of God.

Extreme Goodness:

Seriously....

it is time for me to step it up a noch about our family policy.

Is that how you spell noch? How do you spell that word? Noche.. or is that spanish now?

Oh, goodness. it is "n-o-t-c-h" - why couldn't I get that a second ago?

"The good man brings good things out of the good stored up in his heart, and the evil man brings evil things out of the evil stored up in his heart. For out of the overflow of his heart his mouth speaks." - Luke 6:45

For the first time the "storing up" spoke to me in this verse. As if, over time - the good man is collecting little bits of good and holding them in his heart waiting for the moment to speak them. I am convicted in relation to how this applies his thoughts/attitudes about other people. I feel like the good man is going around - observing/knowing/interacting with people and all the while seeing/feeling/thinking good and then storing that up inside of himself rather than mediating or focusing on the negative aspects about people and carrying that around inside of himself instead.

I desire to be the good man.
I am, however, oh so not the good man.
I feel sorry for it.
I have had a strange desire for heaven today, yesterday, this week.
Lord Jesus, Come.

My Life

Hi friends! I'm not even sure who all of you are...

I miss this blog. Since August 3rd my life has consisted of nursing, changing, and sleeping my little one. With tons and tons of love I've never known before intertwined with all of that. I'm taking 3 classes - adding a fourth starting in October - trying to keep up with HSL as much as I can and somehow not forgetting that before all of these things, I am a wife. So, as it may be obvious by this point - the blog has taken a back seat. A far back seat. Well, lets call it a no seat.

But - I really miss this blog. There are tons of things churning around inside of me (and not just because I mistakenly ate a chinese sauce with seasame seeds in it last night - ouch!). So I want to TRY to be faithful to update this blog at least once a week. My Amira and I recently spent a whole day reading old blogs/journals/etc - and it was exciting to track our spirtual journey - and in a way I miss recording mine to share with others. So here are the things on mind as of late:

1. Hope Group. I've been feeling lately as though I really want to get back involved with community. I asked Matt if we could join a Hope Group - or, start one. I asked him a couple weeks ago...then let it slide. Then I brought up the idea of maybe revisiting the one we left, but something about that group didn't settle right with us. Something has told us for the past year that it isn't where we belong. So, I thought maybe we should start one. I thought maybe we could invite HSLers. I was a bit nervous - what if no one comes? But then, of course, divine appointment. Our dearest Reid and Laura were talking about how they were looking for a Hope Group - and we talked about it at our Wii party - and decided that starting an intentionally spiritual gathering with the people we already know and love made the most sense. Here - I felt God moving. Yes! Lets pray together, commune together and get in each other's faces about our marriages and walks with God. Lets hold each other accountable, let us laugh and cry and form deep, deep bonds together, deeper even than what has been in the making for the past 5 years. yes - my whole being cries yes to this. And thus, Monday night group. So. Thankful. This past Monday we prayed together and for one another and shared a little bit about what we want in a group. From here on out - we are the group.

2. Sometime back, I was thinking about how I would love to live in another country. Combine this thought with really wanting to know the consequences of my every day actions - as in, I want to be responsible for what I do - not make mindless, uninformed decisions. Part of this started with The Omnivore's Dilemma after my nurtrition class last fall - and part of it stems from just plain NOT knowing so much. Who is adversly affected by my actions? Yes the planet - I care about that - but not just that as much as other people. From the clothes I by and the food I eat and how it is prepared. I want to learn more about that. Stemming from THIS thought (it really is quite the chain) comes the idea of living wisely monetarily. Enter Simple Mom. I love this blog. She frequently writes about not consuming mindlessly and ALSO about how to love your husband/family well. Perfect! A woman after my own heart! (Could this be another Lady in Waiting in the making!?!!?) So - I have a long way to go - but I just want to share that I have been thinking about it.

3. Loving people WELL and by doing so - sharing Christ with them. I want people who don't know the love of Christ to experience it and then crave it and know they can't live without it. Yup. That's it. Simple mission. All consuming sometimes. I want to be ever aware of how Matt and I can serve and love those around us.

4. Zoe. My sweet, sweet Zoe. She gets more fun every day! I'm completely in love with her and I want to be faithful to pray how 1. I can serve her and 2. I can raise her w/Matt to rely on God. I frequently pray that she would be loving of people - all people, especially the forgotten and rejected - and in being so would bring many people to Christ. I pray for her sweet spirit and that she would abide in peace. I want to know how to work together with God to cultivate these things in her - and I think, know, am convicted of the idea that it must largely be by example!

Matt just got home!!! Time to hug! <3

This is probably the 50th time you've heard me say this...

but yesterday I bought 2 pounds of Boneless Pork Sirloin Chops and 1# of California Strawberries for a grand total of $3.51.

Thank you Central Market! A place where I never shop but I decided to actually read the weekly ads... since I read on some thrifty, godly, wife blog somewhere about how its a great way to save money if you when you plan meals for the week you incorporate the sales. Why have I never thought of this!? This, friends, is the importance of the blogging world.

I was recently asked how I know what to write in my baby blog and what to write in green eyes since so much of my life revolves around trying to have this baby... twas a good question. Once the baby is out I hope to write more about motherhood/wifeness on here... but then, I just don't know how to combine them. Only time will tell.

In the meantime - get yourself to Central Market and buy some cheap meat and produce! - Limit 2# per customer -

Irony in America today...

Food for thought:

http://www.buffalonews.com/180/story/676944.html


!!!

little women

A couple nights ago, I got into bed and sighed. Then I cuddled up next to Matt and out of nowhere he said,

"You're like, of the same make and caliber as a pioneer wife or something."

Really... I'm not making these quotes up!

shh...

Mateo is sleeping sweetly next to me. It's late, we're in bed and because I had quite a bit of Micro to wrap up before tomorrow - he nodded off without me. I am, however, still using him as my desk. See here:














p.s. Matt is actually sleeping in this picture. I need to tell him to take his glasses off before I go to bed too.


I feel like there is so much within me to say - but when I sit before blog, nothing comes out. I guess, I'll just write about a few things that have been burning in my mind lately. Recently, and by recently I mean perhaps 2-3 weeks, a particular bible verse has been running through my mind. This is interesting - because, in all honesty, I have not been very faithful in reading the bible lately. I love it - crave it - when I open it, but I'm having trouble being consistent. I start to read Acts, leave a bookmark and next time feel completely uninspired to continue the story. I turn instead to Psalms and get lost there for a short time. I soak in Proverbs and turn to chapter 31 for reference frequently. But I don't feel consistent - and the lack of consistency in what I'm actually reading leaves me feeling like I'm not doing a good job of understanding the text at all. Anyways, that was not the point of this paragraph. The point is however, that this verse has been stuck in my mind: "Whatever happens, conduct yourselves in a manner worthy of the gospel of Christ." - Philippians 1:27

Truth be told, what I actually hear in my mind when it comes there is "live a life worthy of the gospel" - which I'm sure aligns with some translation, somewhere. Either way - it truly has been burning inside of me. In small decisions, large ones... no matter. In the last days of class, in the way we spend money, in my interactions with other people. Despite how much self-control I am actually able to maintain over my voice and expression of thoughts/ideas - I keep hearing this phrase, "Live a life worthy of the gospel."

This transformed itself into another desire (I think spurred by witnessing Josh's little book that he carries with him, on the front written "Don't waste your life." ): Do something eternal. Lately, I've just been obsessed with the idea that I want eternal results. I want my actions to be eternal - to last - to matter. Love - I want my love for people to be eternal in nature. What does that even mean? I don't know. But something deep within me stirs when I think about it. Mother Teresa style.

So then I start thinking about what the most "eternal" thing I do is. I guess first and foremost it would be pray. Prayer life has been much more consistent than scripture reading. I still turn off the radio in my car - I still struggle to reign in my thoughts - but I do pray. Although, I want more of this too. I feel like lately God has tangibly answered SO many prayers. It was really fun to watch. I started making prayer cards like Christine which are amazing! In the past couple months God has answered prayers directly pertaining to Los Wilson, Los Boudreau, Henry, Matt, Laura and Meagan. This gets me very excited as I'm sure God is faithful to the others as well, which mostly pertain to Zoe - asking that she have a desire for holiness, purity, to be a lover of people, to be kind, etc.

So anyways - all of these things are furious at work inside of me and yet are cloaked with finals and papers and random other tests. But I assure you - within me - and not all that deep - these things churn and churn.

And I want to share a story. I had a setback this week in my desire to love people. Quite a monumental one as I found myself not even able to like a person I was with. Anger, disgust, frustration all won me over and I truly had to struggle to maintain my composure. I sent an emergency text message to Ceci and Natalie asking for prayer. My specific request was "ask that God would give me compassion and Christ's heart for ---." Later, in a much appreciated conversation with my husband - it finally came. Granted I wasn't with the person anymore and granted I haven't seen them since it happened - but in that moment I felt overwhelmed with the brokeness of the world and how Satan deceives peoples, etc. Matt and I spent some time each indivdually praying and I was crying. I couldn't help it. I didn't feel angry at that moment so much as just helpless and confused about how life works out sometimes. It was a powerful moment. I think Nickel Creek was playing in the background - just to paint a more vivid picture for you.

And, to add another completely unrelated note, I am in love with Hope Chapel. Every time we go and listen to Geno preach I get SO excited about being in a church with a pastor who I can admire, trust, etc. He also isn't afraid to say stuff that other people might be. Which I like in a person. Matt Boudreau and I both probably. Geno keeps prophesying amazing things over Hope Chapel and the congregation and... everything. His sermons have been simple and yet filled with the promises of God. One recently had to do with how God walks through the hard stuff with us and I looked around and thought of so many people who I wished had been there to hear. Something about the way he teaches is so encouraging. It's a little goofy too - which I like. :)

Christine is coming back in two weeks! Hot dog!

I'm not sure what else to write - I guess I wrote out most of what has been going on... I just feel anxious about something and I'm not sure what. I guess its just God moving.

In the meantime - enjoy these silly, silly pictures.















sadly, Mark had taken the diaper off HIS head at this point. Just missed it!














Noah has just run up to Natalie and roared... or screamed...or something cute and silly.














You can't tell, but they are standing on SHARKS!!!














See? Sharks!

sweet success

I just finished test #3 for today and I am moments away from turning in my "sheaf" of original poems. And that my friends, is how you spend a last class day at UT. 

If I make a 98 on my nutrition test I don't have to take the final to get an A. oh please, oh please, oh please!!! I feel as though it may be possible. I know I missed one question - but I truly felt like I could have gotten all the rest correct. Time shall tell... 

In the next coming weeks: 

- complete revision of 15 page Mencius (we're getting to be good friends...)

- Ancient works of China final (4 essays)

- Spanish final

- Nutrition final (maybe)

- Unknown write-up w/giant flow chart of micro bugs and their responses to metabolism tests

- hugging Matt! 

- Study/take the HESI test for nursing school admission (!!)

- Read entire reading list for one of my english classes so that I don't go insane during the first summer session

I'm so thankful I don't have to go to class anymore so that I can actually focus on this stuff. I'm feeling good about this semester! 

I'm somewhat wasting my life today. I'm not sure how to not do it - considering I'm at Wendell and Mary Janes and doing nothing but going out to eat and watching movies/tv. Yes, I just typed that. I watched both a movie and the television today. Wendell likes to watch a movie on Saturdays and then television - and the television is so loud and in the sitting room with all the furniture facing it - so its almost imposible to NOT watch television. Right now we're watching CNN. Apparently, the Cowboys practice bubble just collapsed and now they are talking about swine flu. Oh, swine flu.

Throughout the 1970s and early 1980s 25,000 Americans died of A.I.D.S. before President Reagan gave his first speech on the disease. (learned in "And The Band Played On"). Lets just chew on that for awhile.

I embarrassed myself by talking about A.I.D.S. passionately for maybe 25 minutes straight to poor Matt and Natalie. I couldn't help it! I was...overwhelmed...by the facts presented in that movie. I don't even know where to channel my outrage at injustice energy - especially since it was like, 30 years ago. I'm an emotional person, ok. And I'm pregnant. You do the math. :)

I can't write about anything substantial right now because the television is SO LOUD. Now CNN is reporting on Obama perhaps electing more than one supreme court justice soon. Oh boy.
Samuel Alito did not take a very good picture for CNN - just in case you were wondering. Poor guy. Aren't those pictures digital? Couldn't they show it to him and let him re-do it?

We watched An American In Paris earlier. Delightful! It's a sing/dance/big set movie and Mary Jane loves those. It's so much fun when she gets into it and squeals with delight (literally) at the people on the screen. sigh. I love it.

I have nothing to say. The tv is blaring and I can't concentrate.
Expect a nice, spirtual/love/marriage/Hope Chapel (i'm in love with them) report soon.

Amira

It's been a month. My apologies. And I left you on such a sour note. I promise I recovered from Beach Reach and I view it as a positive experience. I have much to write. Pero, this will be a short update. I wrote a poem about Christine for my poetry class and I thought I would post it. This isn't the final draft, per say. But it has been under some revisions and I'm going to turn it in on Friday for the class to discuss. Here it is:

Amira

She is in love with life
with beauty and justice and the unborn.
She grew plants on her balcony in Egypt
even though she couldn't stand the smell of the outside air
or Egypt's unfair repression of its women.

Her foreign loneliness inspired her
to create unique evening dishes in her humble kitchen,
to tenderness towards pharaoh's wandering cats,
and to sleeping until noon.
It burnt her with its sharp rays
on birthdays and holidays,
Christ's birth ignored in lieu of Ramadan latterns.
She missed bacon.

During month eleven she discovered
for less than $1 three people can get full on homemade falafel.
She is jaded by this place - like Roman ruins
covered by a filthy montropolis.
Where is her center stone
where her voice will be heard?
She has so much to say.

Her eyes were wet with affection
walking arm in arm with me that night -
crossing timidly over the dark streets
repeatedly cursed by the bad tempers
of greedy taxi drivers.
Our husbands let us weep
as two women
now reunited
stumbled over the broken stones
and the inevitable, slow passage of time.

I feel like I'm going insane. Maybe its hormones. Who knows.

I really, really, really don't want to go to class today. In fact, I'm not going to. I'm going to go to Spanish and then Sociology - because both take attendance - and then will promptly be going. home. until 3p when I have to come back to school for His 340K. I have big goals for my 3.5 hour break.

My house is driving me crazy. It isn't put together and I don't know what to do with stuff. I hate clutter. To the depths of my being. The garage sale/baby room/office reorganization/getting a ton of clothes from Ceci have made for a bad arrangement. AND boys are coming to my house tonight to hang out w/Matt...

And on top of that I am feeling overly sensitive this morning.

sigh.

I want to go back to bed.
i have had NO BREAK since beach reach. none. not even a weekend! i can't do this - i'm pregnant and a little grouchy and mostly tired of -doing-.

And I quote...

"Do you know who you remind me of sometimes? Remember that squirrel that falls in love with Arthur in Disney's Sword in the Stone?..." - Mateo to me last night

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=oDWnuddCf0E

All my life

"All my life I had been looking for something, and everywhere I turned someone tried to tell me what it was. I accepted their answers too, though they were often in contradiction and even self-contradictory. I was naïve. I was looking for myself and asking everyone except myself questions which I, and only I, could answer. It took me a long time and much painful boomeranging of my expectations to achieve a realization everyone else appears to have been born with: that I am nobody but myself. "~Ralph Ellison, Battle Royal

I have been feeling so comfortable in my skin lately that I feel surprised during the day when I realize it. I have noticed this especially while walking around campus. I think there a few things that play into it.

1. I feel as though my prayer life has been steadily improving. Before I was sick for eternity I was making it a point to journal every night - no matter what. This friends, is no easy task. Especially if you spend Friday nights with the Boudreaus eating chinese food and joking until 1am. 1am! That was the hardest night to stay faithful to my conviction. The entry starts, "I am so tired I could weep." Since the sickness I haven't been journaling as much, instead I'm trying to read my bible before falling asleep although this quest has not been as successful in terms of faithfulness. Either way - for a week I kept the radio in my car off. I don't really drive very often - but when I realized the silence I would try to pray instead of listenning to music/talk radio. Granted lots of time my thoughts were wandering, but I would say, 75% of the time there was genuine effort at prayer. I have a lot more time to pray for Matt, my friends, HSL and other people while not listenning to music.

2. I am pregnant. I am, without a doubt, pregnant. My stomach is growing expontentially now - I feel huge today! I'm wearing one of Matt's shirts because my small t-shirts aren't comfortable to wear anymore. (Besides, its like a Matt hug!) Anyways, I think this contributes to the feeling more like myself than ever before because I finally stopped letting the American Dream run my life. I don't have a degree... I don't have a career... but I am having a baby. I'm ridiculously happy. I evaluated the situation, heard from God, decided to not worry about what people thought - and we went for it. It makes me feel like school, work, life in general in this time is easy. Part of this is probably the fact that almost daily I think, "God-willing, I will have a college degree by December!" And on top of that, I'm taking my last nursing prereq. It is like the attaining of a goal - it feels amazing. I'm not sure what long-term goals I have accomplished in my life thus far, but the applying to nursing school knowing that Matt and I aren't randomly moving to California for a year and that I have financial aid to help... its amazing. It makes me feel happy and content.

3. I work 8 hours a week. Once a month I work 20. I think this contributes a ton. Last semester was ABSURD. I never saw my husband and I had no time during the week to clean/organize the house. I despise coming home to a place that I feel lacks peace because mess abounds. In fact, cultivating a peaceful atmosphere in my home is one of the most important things to me. It is why the shades are usually open when I am here and on nice days the sliding glass door open to let in the breeze. The tree shuffles next to our patio when the wind blows and along with the sunshine I believe peace is created. Niko likes it. He likes to sniff outside and take naps in the sun. I want my dog to be happy, and thus, at least for Niko it creates peace. But I believe it does more than that. In a previous note I mentioned how I deeply love outsideness and that applies directly.

So, I want to show you pictures of our clothes rack! Ever since Egypt Matt and I have been trying to dry our clothes w/o the dryer. Not only does it help the environment but it saves us $o.50 a load. On top of that, once the baby comes I can not pay to dry the diapers by machine. I'm going to have to do laundry every day and over time that extra $0.50 will add up! So, I got a drying rack and it is so beautiful to see our clothes drying in the sunlight instead of our closet. I hid all of our underwear on the inner rungs... our shirts/pants cover them. I may be environmentally conscious but I am, after all, a lady.

Those are my plants! The impatience is growing into a bush. Remarkable, considering that I completely killed it during winter break. It was brown, hanging off the sides of the pot, and sullen. But it has since been revived! Mrs. Stokes bought me a garden decoration that reads, "give thanks!" - I put it in the resurrected plant because I thought it was most fitting. The succulents are keeping on. I was going to move them to Natalie's office but then the sun decided to revisit my patio, thus saving my tiny little garden. I love my patio... I changed my Christmas list last December and took the hanging patio decoration off - but perhaps I will use my gift card and invest in them.

And for your final viewing pleasure - here is a fun Friday night earlier this month. Actually, it was the day Therese went into labor! So here are a bunch of people I love in my kitchen followed by some more people I love, loving each other.

"Love begins by taking care of the closest ones - the ones at home." - Mother Teresa

All the things I'm not saying...

What I need to do is to go for a good run.

I'm feeling 7 miles. Pain at Mile 4.5, Hope at Mile 5, Rugged Determination at Mile 6.5.
Relief at Mile 7.

That would I think solve my problems. Not that I have many problems - it is more an inner feeling of restlessness I have. Yoga doesn't...can't satisfy my urges to ejercicio with all my might. Swimming might be able to - but it is just so darn cold. I despise being cold. I almost went last night around 7 - after my Traditional China, His 340K class. But I forgot my sweater at home - so when I exited Garrison the cool, cool air assaulted my bare arms and bare, brown skirted legs. I decided just recovering from illness that perhaps I shouldn't freeze myself and then have to walk around campus. It would have felt nice though. It would have felt nice...

My poetry hasn't been discussed again in poetry. I think I'm on the schedule for tomorrow. I wrote a poem about a skirt but titled it, "Young Brunnette at the Park." - Although, I wasn't at the park when I wrote it. Instead, I was imagining being at the park on a very beautiful, sunny day last week. I was imaginging being at Central Park - sipping some sort of lemonadey beverage - watching kids scream and crawl over each other at the playground. I hope I am the sort of person who brings her children to the playground to scream and crawl over other, unknown children often. Children need to be on playgrounds. Children need to be outside. If there are two things I believe in for health and healing - it would be the power of the human touch and the power of fresh air and sunlight. And Jesus - which might make a total of four things, but I digress.

My sample test for Mirco is 17 pages long. SEVEN-TEEN-PAGES! Diez y siete. Hay too many. It makes me feel defeated before I even try. And most of it is about Gram staining - which I'm still not too clear on. Ohhh Mircobiologists and your silly gram stains.

I read... /skimmed... David Taylor's blog. I keep getting behind and although I find his writing very interesting I also feel defeated when I have too much blog to catch up on. Apparently there are many times at which I feel defeated. Like everytime I think about bleaching my sofa cushions. The taking them off part defeats me. I need to wait for Matt to help me, but then who wants to bleach sofa cushions when you are in the presence of your best friend and handsome love? No one - that is who.

Did you know that I obsess over everything I eat? Constantly aware of nutrients that the baby is getting.. or isn't getting... on a daily basis. Some people approach pregnancy unchanged... and I am plagued by every guilty pleasure I indulge in. I should eat more carrots or something. Last night, after I ate dinner at a location which will remain undisclosed (lets just say - it wasn't healthy) I made a large leafy green salad for an after-dinner "maybe-the-baby-will-only-get-this-and-bypass-all-the-crap-i-just-ate" snack.

Silly. And I ate two hershey kisses and no ice cream. So there.

I miss reading literature about Mother Teresa. There are only so many books out there - I may have to cut myself off sometime soon.

I have been thinking a LOT lately about where we will go. As in, I want to start talking about our 5-7 year plan for leaving the country to live and have an adventure and share Jesus in a new cultural setting. I want to praying into something - getting excited for it, learning language for it. Matt and I need to have a discussion....

Dr. Whitbred says...

"Excellent!
You're crisp, rhythmically and sonically striking,
and use implication very well!" - T.w.

Notice his use of "you're."
I'm pretty sure that he thinks that I, as a person, am crisp.

Crisp as a fried egg.

I'm going to write my next poem about my dead garden.
The succulents are being moved to the geography building, 3rd floor - where they too, as Natalie's fine flowers do, grow towards the sun.

There is no saving my English Daisy.
Why do I suck at growing daisies? They are my FAVORITE!

Today.
Today was not a study day.
Today was a... drink lemonade, lazy about the house, dread the Mayes' laundry and wish for summer day.
Oh yes, the wishing for summer.

Sweet summer and the "I have 5 more classes to graduate," "I am about to give birth," and "I will wear a bikini in my maternal state" mindset.

There is beauty in today and my procrastination. Later I may not feel this way. Right now though - embracing freedom rather than regret.

I switched out of a class taught by a blasphemous professor to a wonderfully organized and structured lecture taught by a doctoral candidate. Sociology 308 - Praise God.

6 classes this spring - Mirco, Nutrition, Poetry, Sociology, Spanish, History. A good deal of reading - but nothing like the Fall.

Jack Dorman and I are friends on facebook. I dare say we are friends in real life.

My poetry professor loved my first poem! The class consists of us writing poetry - and then reading it aloud to the class and the class critiques it. And who did he ask to go first? As in - first of the semester, first to stick out their neck, first to extend their creative channels to the chopping block? Yours truly.
The response was however, greatly encouraging. He returned my poem a week later with a wonderful note at the bottom:

- and as it turns out, one I will have to share with you later because I left my poetry folder at home.

It's a beautiful day today. Cool, sun shining. I feel thankful for the sun and clear air. I also feel thankful in general. For our home, for Niko, for Matt, for his job, for my feeling better. It's amazing to have your life back from the depths of nausea. I'm doing my hair and wearing make up and earrings and cooking dinner... Tuesday night was once again filled w/friends and dinner and Cranium - our desire to fill our lives with other people once again able to be fulfilled in a consistent manner through Tuesday nights. Not to mention that it's 8:38am and I've been awake for two hours, have cleaned the kitchen and done a load of laundry, and I'm still feeling full of energy. Contently sipping my watered down, decaf coffee... I decided I missed this blog.

It's fun to not have school and get to play full time house-wife. I've been waking up with Matt and cooking breakfast, or making him coffee and just keeping him company in general. I have 9am classes this semester so I'm hopeful that this routine can continue. I won't have to leave for school until 8:15ish. I think. We'll work something out.

Our Christmas tree is still up. (confession!) - But we want to take it down together...and Matt is a little sad that it wasn't up for very long since we were out of town for 2 whole weeks. And so it stays. Probably until Sunday at the very least.

I feel content resting until the semester starts - but there is something exciting about starting a new semester... a clean, new slate. Mostly liberal arts - which are nothing compared to the natural sciences - and so I feel good about the amount of work I'll have. Maybe I'll get to read some good novels. And probably some crappy ones as well that my professor believes to be the glory of their time. Ohhhhhh, universities.

Today's goals:
- Clean up residual clutter in living room and bedroom.
- Rearrange books/etc in office so Matt can rearrange the furniture.
- Possibly go to HEB to get cinnamon rolls and stir fry vegetables.
- Hug Niko.... 1,000 times.