ache.

I feel really terrible. And all of my friends are at Hope Chapel in a meeting right now or they live in Egypt (Ok. Not ALL of my friends fall into those two categories but at least all of the ones that I would feel comfortable becoming completely undone in front of).

I feel completely undone.

I feel so much pain about the division in Hope Chapel right now - its suffocating.

At this moment in time its just pain. I don't feel bitterness and I'm praying SO HARD against building up offense and feeling judgment. Less at Geno - and more at other people. In fact, I don't really feel any sort of anger/offense at Geno despite the fact that I think what he did wasn't a great idea. I'm willing to offer forgiveness to him for his poor judgement, though am wrestling with the deeper issues on the inside.

Instead, I feel judgement against people who I FEEL like are making judgements about Hope Chapel. Their responses... their non-responses. And herein lies the deepest part of my pain.

I'm pretty much in love with Hope Chapel. One might call me... faithful to things I love. And at that meeting I was overcome with how much people are hurt. With how much Geno is hurt (he looks absolutely terrible). And how some people really are truly going to leave the church.

I was driving home thinking about how happy Satan must be right now. And I'm desperate for Hope Chapel to rely on the strength of our good, good, good God and be reconciled. Although, I agree in a large part with Mirabelle's dad (I never know parent's names.. only their children.. because those are the ones I see!) that it IS important to know about the hard, tough issues within our pastors and I do think it is reasonable to hold them to a certain amount of... something.

It's unclear what is going on in the inner workings of my heart.
But I just felt overwhelmingly upset (enter crying) that I think of Hope Chapel as my family and I am dead set on not letting Satan destroy it with his lies, decisiveness and deceit (I feel as though one family is enough to see go down under those things in a lifetime).

Truly. I want to scream from the rooftops or sob at the top of my lungs - I'm not sure which emotion will win over. I just really want judgment to fall away. Fully on my part. Fully on the church's part. Fully on individuals' part.

----->AND I WISH CHRISTINE WERE HERE!!!!!!!!!!!!!<----- Oh Hope. Healing to you. Healing. I speak life and truth and healing and forgiveness and love. Lord, let love fall down.

"Do not gloat over me my enemy! Though I have fallen, I will rise. Though I sit in darkness, the Lord will be my light." - Micah 7:8

The Lord will be our light
The Lord will be our light
The Lord will be our light

Oh Hope, Hope, Hope...