p.s. Matt is actually sleeping in this picture. I need to tell him to take his glasses off before I go to bed too.
I feel like there is so much within me to say - but when I sit before blog, nothing comes out. I guess, I'll just write about a few things that have been burning in my mind lately. Recently, and by recently I mean perhaps 2-3 weeks, a particular bible verse has been running through my mind. This is interesting - because, in all honesty, I have not been very faithful in reading the bible lately. I love it - crave it - when I open it, but I'm having trouble being consistent. I start to read Acts, leave a bookmark and next time feel completely uninspired to continue the story. I turn instead to Psalms and get lost there for a short time. I soak in Proverbs and turn to chapter 31 for reference frequently. But I don't feel consistent - and the lack of consistency in what I'm actually reading leaves me feeling like I'm not doing a good job of understanding the text at all. Anyways, that was not the point of this paragraph. The point is however, that this verse has been stuck in my mind: "Whatever happens, conduct yourselves in a manner worthy of the gospel of Christ." - Philippians 1:27
Truth be told, what I actually hear in my mind when it comes there is "live a life worthy of the gospel" - which I'm sure aligns with some translation, somewhere. Either way - it truly has been burning inside of me. In small decisions, large ones... no matter. In the last days of class, in the way we spend money, in my interactions with other people. Despite how much self-control I am actually able to maintain over my voice and expression of thoughts/ideas - I keep hearing this phrase, "Live a life worthy of the gospel."
This transformed itself into another desire (I think spurred by witnessing Josh's little book that he carries with him, on the front written "Don't waste your life." ): Do something eternal. Lately, I've just been obsessed with the idea that I want eternal results. I want my actions to be eternal - to last - to matter. Love - I want my love for people to be eternal in nature. What does that even mean? I don't know. But something deep within me stirs when I think about it. Mother Teresa style.
So then I start thinking about what the most "eternal" thing I do is. I guess first and foremost it would be pray. Prayer life has been much more consistent than scripture reading. I still turn off the radio in my car - I still struggle to reign in my thoughts - but I do pray. Although, I want more of this too. I feel like lately God has tangibly answered SO many prayers. It was really fun to watch. I started making prayer cards like Christine which are amazing! In the past couple months God has answered prayers directly pertaining to Los Wilson, Los Boudreau, Henry, Matt, Laura and Meagan. This gets me very excited as I'm sure God is faithful to the others as well, which mostly pertain to Zoe - asking that she have a desire for holiness, purity, to be a lover of people, to be kind, etc.
So anyways - all of these things are furious at work inside of me and yet are cloaked with finals and papers and random other tests. But I assure you - within me - and not all that deep - these things churn and churn.
And I want to share a story. I had a setback this week in my desire to love people. Quite a monumental one as I found myself not even able to like a person I was with. Anger, disgust, frustration all won me over and I truly had to struggle to maintain my composure. I sent an emergency text message to Ceci and Natalie asking for prayer. My specific request was "ask that God would give me compassion and Christ's heart for ---." Later, in a much appreciated conversation with my husband - it finally came. Granted I wasn't with the person anymore and granted I haven't seen them since it happened - but in that moment I felt overwhelmed with the brokeness of the world and how Satan deceives peoples, etc. Matt and I spent some time each indivdually praying and I was crying. I couldn't help it. I didn't feel angry at that moment so much as just helpless and confused about how life works out sometimes. It was a powerful moment. I think Nickel Creek was playing in the background - just to paint a more vivid picture for you.
And, to add another completely unrelated note, I am in love with Hope Chapel. Every time we go and listen to Geno preach I get SO excited about being in a church with a pastor who I can admire, trust, etc. He also isn't afraid to say stuff that other people might be. Which I like in a person. Matt Boudreau and I both probably. Geno keeps prophesying amazing things over Hope Chapel and the congregation and... everything. His sermons have been simple and yet filled with the promises of God. One recently had to do with how God walks through the hard stuff with us and I looked around and thought of so many people who I wished had been there to hear. Something about the way he teaches is so encouraging. It's a little goofy too - which I like. :)
Christine is coming back in two weeks! Hot dog!
I'm not sure what else to write - I guess I wrote out most of what has been going on... I just feel anxious about something and I'm not sure what. I guess its just God moving.
In the meantime - enjoy these silly, silly pictures.
sadly, Mark had taken the diaper off HIS head at this point. Just missed it!
Noah has just run up to Natalie and roared... or screamed...or something cute and silly.
You can't tell, but they are standing on SHARKS!!!
See? Sharks!
